NASA Sent Squids Into Outer Space
Now only Will Smith can save us from their return
You may have heard that NASA recently sent squids into outer space. On it’s own, this is relatively unimportant news. Sure squids are cool. People have long held a fascination with the giant beasts. History is littered with illustrations of their endeavors.
Up until 2006, however, a living giant squid had never been filmed before. For over a decade, scientists have been trying to raise a giant squid in captivity so we can learn more about it (good luck). Now scientists are sending squids out into the universe to learn more about the universe… and maybe more about squids. This all seems harmless enough. Until this happens:
That’s right. Notice something interesting in this GIF from the “movie” Independence day? Because I do. These aliens look an awful lot like squids. Let’s take a clearer look at one from the franchise:
This is from Independence Day’s sequel (which I wrote about once here). This thing is clearly a sentient squid ancestor. All of this would be just a coincidence if it weren’t for the fact that we just sent actual squids into the universe. Now, however, I am forced to wonder. Do these squids end up in the hands of a Michael Fassbender-esque Android on the edges of universe, only to have him experiment with them to create the genetic monstrosities that we see here in what is now increasingly appearing to be a documentary? The proof is all in this Alien: Covenant GIF:
Whoops, wrong GIF.
Ok, that wasn’t a GIF.
OK, I give up. Back to Independence Day. A group of squids, jettisoned from their own planet, is genetically engineered into a super species, returning to our planet to enslave those who once banished it to a life as an exile among the outer planets sounds AWFULLY familiar. Thankfully, we had an answer, two answers really.
While these men covered themselves in glory, one has to wonder if our recent trends in the highest office will give us what we need when the battle arrives. Could Donald Trump or Joe Biden stand and deliver this?
Absolutely not. We need to aim higher in 3 years. We need a real leader. We need to just vote Bill Pullman into office immediately and not risk anything. Who knows how long the experiments will take. It’s too late to stop it now, they are already out there. How quickly will the squids return in their camouflaged ships. We need Will Smith. What the hell is Jeff Goldblum doing?
God I love GIFs.
So, in conclusion, Miriam Webster defines squid as any of an order (Teuthoidea) of cephalopods having eight short arms and two usually longer tentacles, a long tapered body, a caudal fin on each side, and usually a slender internal chitinous support. That is what we see in Independence Day. So this must be what happens. Begin storing canned vegetables in your basement.