The Five Most Interesting Teams In Baseball Right Now
And why Major League is my favorite sports movie
The Magic Team: The Miami Marlins
Major League is my favorite sports movie. To be fair, I don’t really like sports movies. The action is usually awful, they aren’t funny (intentionally or unintentionally), the story is so cheesy I would put it on my hamburger, and the portrayals are usually glorified to the point you know it isn’t the real truth. So Major League is an outlier that I really enjoy. The team of misfits come together despite all odds to win the pennant and keep the team in Cleveland (we will get to them in a bit). Sure. But along the way, there are fights between teammates, superstition, the yips, struggles with fame and all the things real teams actually experience. The Miami Marlins are recreating Major League right now in a way I did not think was possible. The players are mostly total unknowns right now. They are starting players who have barely played in single A. They took players other teams had designated for assignment. Their own players are generally more Quad A than MLB. The team had a chaotic and tragic start as the majority of the players that should have been there got the Coronavirus. This is a team that always feels like it is about to get moved out of Miami. A few years ago, Derek Jeter gutted the roster and prepared to lose (just like the owner in Major League). And right now they are in first place. I am not even going to pretend to know how this is possible. That’s why it’s magic. I wouldn’t be shocked to find out there is a cardboard cutout of Derek Jeter in the locker room that they are stripping pieces of clothes off every time they win.
The Disaster Team: The Cleveland Indians
This should have been the Marlins. Everything was right there, but somehow, they dodged the bullet and passed the baton to Cleveland. This week has been a disaster all to itself. First, their Hall of Fame manager left to attend to a chronic gastrointestinal issue. Another member of the coaching staff decided to opt out (the hitting coach). The team bats remained almost totally silent (ahhh, that’s why the hitting coach left), wasting what might be the greatest start to a season ever by a pitching staff. Said pitching staff responded with a few of their members going out on the town in Chicago, placing everyone at risk and lying about it. This is a team where another pitcher is still in remission from Leukemia. This has resulted in shots being fired in house. All told, a team that should be competing for a division title is currently behind a Marlins team that is missing it’s players (a key part of baseball).
The Confusing Team: The Colorado Rockies
Before the season, I called this division a battle between the Dodgers and the Padres (and had the Padres in the World Series). Well, the Rockies beg to differ. They remain in first place nearly a third of the way through the season. Charlie Blackmon has people wondering if he can hit .500 for a season. Nolan Arenado remains one of the most hidden gems in baseball with gold glove defense and sterling offense. The offense itself has been red hot, but that is not what is confusing. The pitching staff, which was shelled so hard last year they should have been declared a state of emergency by the governor, has rebounded miraculously. German Marquez is suddenly back to his all star form. So is Kyle Freeland. And Daniel Bard has basically returned from the dead after being out of baseball FOUR (!) years before returning to post an ERA of 3.00 so far. Can they keep it up? It makes more sense than the Marlins, but what is going on with their pitching staff is so confusing I am considering calling BALCO for answers.
The Karma Team: The Houston Astros
In a free fall following an off-season of turmoil, the Astros look very weak. Despite the absence of fans, opposing teams have been taking their anger out on the Astros by pummeling them, with pitches, fists and bats (okay, just the pitches are being pummeled by bats). The real concern here, for a team that deserves this, is that their starting pitching has been gutted. Justin Verlander is out (oh no, who will send out stupid tweets now), Robert Osuna is out (what a shame), Gerritt Cole is gone, and Lance McCullers skill seems to be gone too. Only Zach Greinke seems to still have it, and has started calling out his pitches to opposing batters, probably to try and offset the karma. This seems to be working for him, and should probably be tried by McCullers. Jose Altuve, who definitely didn’t need a garbage can, can’t hit anything. Almedys Diaz (looking like a candidate to be a star in this league) is the one guy who is really bringing it. Coincidentally, he is one of the few main players who wasn’t around for the trashy play. The Karma Police have spoken.
The M.A.S.H Unit Team: The New York Yankees
At this point, this should be a lifetime achievement award for this current group of players. Last year was insane, when they lost 2,776 games to injuries. This was over 600 more than the next best team. So they fired their strength and conditioning coaches. Honestly, that was understandable. This year, however, has proven no different. They currently have, Aaron Judge, Giancarlo Staton, Aroldis Chapman, Kyle Hiashioka, Tommy Kahnle, Dan Otero and Luis Severino out. Domingo German is out as punishment for steroids (which he presumably took to try and avoid being injured by whatever demon has infested the new Yankee Stadium). So far, just like last year, this doesn’t seem to have adjusted production. They are still in first, and have one of the best records in the league. Yankees fans have to wonder what this team could do if they could stay in one piece. The fans of the other 29 teams will not be offering pity. The only thing left for this team to do is to offer a sacrifice to Jobu. Then again, he has a history of working against the Yankees.