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News and Politics
Delegate Wants Sales Tax Hike to Fund Mass Transit Only: Proposes Referendum on Her “Little Itty Bit” Half-Cent Tax Hike
Dan Cox's Alternate Reality: Everybody knows Dan Cox is unelectable in the 6th Congressional District. But Dan Cox thinks he can become a Congressman because....Donald Trump is winning a primary poll? That doesn't compute.
The Monday Thought
With 2024 here, I figured I would take a semi-satirical, semi-serious look into the future to see what is coming our way. With that, let’s take a look
January 2024
6th: 300 or so dead-enders assemble in Washington to “commemorate” the “political prisoners” from the 2021 riot and coup attempt at the Capitol.
10th: The Maryland General Assembly begins its 2024 Session and immediately does no work for the next sixty days.
15th: Donald Trump wins the Iowa Caucus for the first time, though Ron DeSantis places a surprising second.
16th: Chris Christie drops out of the Presidential race and throws his support to Nikki Haley before the primary.
23rd: Nikki Haley upsets Donald Trump to win the New Hampshire primary.
February 2024
6th: Nikki Haley wins the Nevada Primary.
8th: Donald Trump wins the Nevada Caucus, thoroughly confusing people who thought Nevada was already over.
9th: Ron DeSantis suspends his Presidential campaign. He does not endorse anybody.
11th: The Ravens win Super Bowl LVIII in Las Vegas with a 31-23 win over the San Francisco 49ers.
24th: Nikki Haley wins the South Carolina primary.
March 2022:
5th: Donald Trump wins an overwhelming majority of the delegates in the Super Tuesday primaries.
19th: Donald Trump wraps up the Republican nomination with decisive wins in Arizona and Ohio. Dan Cox is aroused.
26th: John Means pitches a three-hit shutout on Opening Day as the Orioles beat the Angels 5-0.
April 2022
1st: The Maryland General Assembly wakes up and realizes they need to start passing the Budget.
8th: Purdue defeats Gonzaga in the National Championship game, securing the Boilermakers their first national title; Democrats in the General Assembly pass hundreds of pieces of legislation in the hours leading up to Sine Die, most of which are unread by the people voting in support of them.
May 2024
14th: John Teichert and David Trone win their respective nominations for U.S. Senate; Dan Cox wins the Republican nomination in the 6th District, but insists the election was somehow stolen anyway.
June 2024:
1st: In a surprising move, Trump announces that retiring Arizona Congresswoman Debbie Lesko has agreed to be his running mate.
30th: Justice Sonia Sotomayor announces her surprise retirement from the U.S. Supreme Court
July 2024:
6th: Joe Biden announces that he has nominated Vice-President Kamala Harris to replace retiring Justice Sotomayor on the Supreme Court.
18th: Donald Trump accepts the Republican nomination for President; his acceptance speech borrows heavily from the speeches of Oswald Mosley, William Dudley Pelley, and Fritz Kuhn.
August 2024:
22nd: Joe Biden announces that he has selected Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg to be his running mate.
September 2024:
16th: At the first Presidential Debate, both Joe Biden and Donald Trump stumble over their words and make factual errors, eliciting a collective groan from the country; Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. is arrested after protesting the debate by claiming Pfizer made sure the COVID vaccine excluded him.
20th: Yellowstone finally wins an Emmy for Best Drama.
25th: The Vice-Presidential debate happens. Nobody notices.
October 2024
9th: In the final Presidential debate, Joe Biden muddles through while Donald Trump makes a series of alarming gaffes, including threatening to invade Mexico on the first day of his term, threatening to detain journalists, and praising both Himmler and Göring.
November 2024:
3rd: The Orioles win their 4th World Series in franchise history by defeating the Los Angeles Dodgers in 7 games.
5th: Joe Biden cruises to an easy re-election victory over Donald Trump. Dan Cox loses the 6th Congressional District seat to April McClain Delaney by 13%. Cox immediately claims election fraud.
6th: At Four Seasons Catering in Pensacola, Florida; Trump attorneys claim that election fraud cost Donald Trump Arizona, California, and Florida.
7th: Dan Cox announces his intention to run for Governor of Maryland again in 2022.
December 2024:
2nd: 13 pro-Trump protesters are injured in rioting in New York City, the first casualties of the Trump-inspired post-election violence.
17th: Despite dozens of lawsuits by the Trump campaign, the Electoral College votes consistently with the people's will. Alternate Trump electors meet in 13 states and cast electoral votes for Trump, having learned nothing from the 2020 escapade.
18th: On Truth Social, Donald Trump promises an even bigger rally on January 6th, 2025 in Washington, DC. Says “Will Be Wild.”
19th: In preparation for another pro-Trump coup attempt, the Biden Administration in conjunction with the Governors of Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania federalize portions of the National Guard to protect key assets in and around the U.S. Capitol building.
Here’s hoping a lot of this does not come true. And here’s hoping you and your family have a blessed 2024.