Perhaps you have heard, Aunt Jemima is going away. Its link to slavery proved too much for its corporate overlord, so they have decided to go with a re-brand. A lot of products are taking a hard look at both themselves and their branding right now to see if they should stand pat in the face of changing views. I would like to help. I have decided to offer my assistance with some food product and restaurant re-branding to help them better embrace their roots and their reality. Let’s face it, in these changing times, we could all afford to be a little more honest and represent ourselves in a better way. Let’s start at the source:
Aunt Jemima: new name/image, new slogan
New name/image: Your Parents, picture of generic (ethnically ambiguous) parents pointing at you
Old slogan: I didn’t find one and that’s probably for the best.
New slogan: “Why do you keep spending money on real maple syrup? You should be investing that.”
Dominos: slogan change
Old slogan: “It’s what we do”
New slogan: “Close enough to real pizza that you won’t really care”
Pizza Hut: Name and slogan change
New name: Pizza
Old slogan: “No one outpizza’s the hut” (not kidding)
New slogan: “So your town doesn’t have a pizza place”
McDonalds: Slogan change
Old slogan: “I’m lovin’ it”
New slogan: “We just made happy meals healthier, now what do you people want”
Burger King: Name and Slogan change
New name: Burger Concierge
Old slogan: “Have it your way”
New slogan: “We have fake meat and we are proud of it I guess”
Subway: Name and slogan change
New name: Food Location
Old slogan: “Eat Fresh”
New slogan: “Meat product in bread product makes food”
Dunkin Donuts: new name and slogan
New Name: Dunkin Stuff
Old Slogan: America Runs on Dunkin
New slogan: “Bland Coffee is just the beginning”
Starbucks: New name and slogan
New name: Bucks
Old slogan: None
New slogan: “Bucks… you bring em, we keep em.”
Tim Hortons: slogan change
Old slogan: Always fresh
New slogan: “We come from a land down under… the Arctic Circle”
Lays: New name and slogan
New name: Seether ft. Amy Lee
Old slogan: Bet you can’t eat just one
New slogan: “‘Cause I’m broken, when I’m opened. And I don’t feel like I’m packaged well enough”
Coca-Cola: New name, new slogan
New name: Caff-Cola
Old slogan: “Taste the Feeling” (but how though)
New slogan: “Cocaine Free since 1903”
Betty Crocker: New slogan
Old slogan: “add an egg”
New slogan: Oh God, were next. Please, look at Uncle Ben. Leave us alone”
Cheerios: New Slogan
Old Slogan: Something about heart health I guess
New Slogan: “If you like it then you better put a ring on it.”
Pillsbury: Same name, slogan and mascot
New approach: Stop touching the mascot without consent.
Lays and Subway slayed me. Well done.
How about Kentucky Fried Chicken? Old slogan Finger Licking Good, new slogan Eat with Gloves and Mask Only.